How to Tame your Woman and Make a Cook out of Her [UE]

How to Tame your Woman and Make a Cook out of Her [Unique Edition]

This book contains the deepest most truthful secrets to achieve your goal. Imagine this, dating and she doesn't dare to put a foot in the kitchen... real bad but definitely fixable.

Now, I'll give you a sneak peek into this incredible worth-buying book >>

 

Chapter 1. The Baller!

"Woman! we're going out to eat!" Then you take her to a restaurant, perform this routine 3-4 times a week for at least a month.

Chapter 2. The Benevolent

"Woman! I like the bread you bought at Publix yesterday!" That'll make her believe that she is good at doing the groceries. 

Chapter 3. The Bawse

"Woman! I'm broke for taking you out to eat for an entire month, be grateful and go cook for me!" She'll feel bad and get every single recipe to make u feel better.

[buy book to get more details, including the 12 step program to have her cook an entire meal]

Aaww, the arts of controlling women! ....oh, wait.. crap -.-

Disclaimer: the ideas discussed in this book are views followed by the author and not encouraged to be followed by ordinary people.

Shame on me for kissing you with my eyes closed so tight

Have you ever kissed with your eyes opens? NO? LOL, what a loser... jk
I have. 
In my defense I wasn't trying to be any less romantic. There are reasons why people do this
1. to know if the other person has them closed (guilty)
2. they are creeps (...hhmmm, maybe)
If they do have their eyes closed then they're really feeling it, and I dont mean LOVE -well, that could be an option- I just mean, they feel the heat, inntteeeennssssee... *cough, clears throat*
I think I've completely missed the goal of my post, I was actually gonna talk about "That Thing You Do!", really good movie about a band, set on the 1960s. Kind of watched it because I used to date this drummer, kind of a rocker the kid... BACK ON TRACK! The title to this post is an actual quote from the movie. The character played by Liv Tyler says it to this freaking jerk, ugh, what a jerk! 

I don't really know why I like Ms. Tyler but I think it is because I used to mix her up with Audrey Tautou, and do not ask me why. Or maybe because she starred on "The Lord of the Rings" trilogy... OH MAN! I just got carried away..once more. 


I give up on the movie.

That awkward moment when...

...you wake up thinking is 7:08AM but it's actually 8:07AM!

...you can manage to be ready but your bike, OFF!, and water are NOT!

...strangely enough you manged to get to work on time... -.-

...you realize you must attend a meeting on the other side of campus.

...you walk into a meeting room with every eye following your every movement, sitting down, and someone tells you you are on the wrong place..  =S

...you have to stand up and walk out of a room you mistakenly went into.

...some ladies start asking this other lady where she got her fancy antique-looking necklace and she has to say "Agaci for $7".

...you realize it's only 9:15AM.

My sister, the clever one?

You never know what you have until you speak to it. FACT!

lil sis: "you're so annoying when u talk like that, you know.. life is not ALL about you, Laura ........it's about me ..at least my life is." lol

Me: I like mine because it has an owl in it, I really like owls, they're cool.

lil sis: wanna get a bunny?

Me: uh, what?!

lil sis: you like owls, do you want to get a Bunny?

Me: what's the correlation between owls and bunnies???

lil sis: they're both cool.

Me: O_o LOL!

I can't help it..it was love when my mom told me she was pregnant, it all went down hill from there on.., :P 

update: 
lil sis: "why did it go downhill? because I'm taller than u, so I don't have to look up to you..." 
LMAO

"the day Laura couldn't go to the beach and Camilo saved the world"

Today

hey hey

hey, how u doing?

how was the beach?

pretty good

SOME GUY ALMOST DIED

or, was maimed

what?! how?

but yea, some guy on a jetski brought his jetski on the beach, right? but he's not very good at jetskiing (sic?), right? so he's still going full throttle onto the sand, and comes like 6 yards on to the beach, and almost ran over this dude (we'll call him tracy). Tracy does some crazy matrix moves to jump out of the way JUST in the nick of time.

It was crazy

LMAO

tracy is soooo coooolll

that sounds awesome

it really was pretty wild

this was right in front of us, too. if that guy were going even faster than he was, then he would have run over tracy and hit me

oh, man, so u didnt even get a scar?

nothing to tell ur kids's kids

haha, nah, as it stands, he was too far

LAME!

lol

hmm

you're right

i need to start making up stories

i've got a scar on my foot from a bathroom door that got stuck inside once

we need to figure out a cool story for that one

yeah, just get that scar u got when u were 8, and start making up stuff

exactly!

what about you, any scars with potential for cool stories?

say that the guy actully ran u over with the jet skii

while he was running away from akiller whale

seriously... but someone ran me over with a jetski and all i got was one cm sq scar on my foot?

hahahaha

hmm, i need a bigger scar

lol, a killer whale

so he runs over me, but the killer whale is still chasing him

it was bigger but a guy with surgical tools performed a surgery right there but he had a stroke right there and couldnt finish

lmao

so of course, we had to get up quick and knock down the killer whale, right

YES!

i think I have some scabs on my leg that can be from the whale

but it was willy so u didnt have the heart to kill it

of course not

he needs to be free

exactly

wow! we're good!

yea seriously

hahaha

lets write a book

about scar stories

"the day laura couldnt go to the beach and camilo saved the world"

lmao

man, I can't believe that surgeon had a stroke

wild

SCARy STORIES

wait, when did I save the world?

yeah, too bad he couldnt perform on himself

u frreed willy

otherwise it would have become a zombie whale

that saves the world?

oh shit

At this point, I think we're millionaires

At least, I'd watch this movie

that would have been disastrous cus the aliens watching over us would have taken the opportunity to invade Earth

imma get a house on star island now

Then we just went off to talk about aliens on prince william's wedding and other crazy stuff... GREAT CHAT!

=D

The Smoother

This is a story about a young gentleman and a very beautiful young lady. It starts with the young man and the young lady having mutual friends and coincidently with similar interests which take them to attend to the same events. After a while the friendly faces start to say Hi and wave hands at each other every time they cross paths. To say the least, the beautiful young lady is moi.
Well, to my incredible shame, I did not know the young gentleman's name, and the very amiable encounters never had gone beyond the usual "hello" but everything turned out to be on my favor when I met this friend of his and he's introducing himself to me, and I'm all like "oh, yeah, I've seen you around with..." pause to get him to say the name and... "Frank! yeah, I'm his friend" voilà -- THE UNIVERSE HAS SPOKEN! I'm destined for success. LOL 
yeah, it turns out that not only, modesty aside, I'm the incredibly gorgeous young lady but I'm also...wait for it.. "The Smoother". Because I'm smooth like that (in case you didn't get it). Take that *insert thing/person here*.
Ah! writing feels good  :D 
PS: I really don't know if Frank knows my name, *shrugs* oh, well...

one last blog...for what's left of this year

Goodbye 2010! 


So many things happened this year that they are really hard to recall, so I won't. (got new friends and acquaintances, some acquaintances became friends, and some friends became acquaintances, and I had crazy 3am-awesome all-nighters, discovered tumblr, got my first ever hickey, visited Hogwarts, and spent more money than ever...) But what's best I enjoyed every single adventure because every one of them taught me something. like, if you want to make it early to see the sun come up by the beach you need to wake up at 5am; if you dont want to get sick on a hectic trip keep yourself from eating hamburgers; dont get into non-serious dating or whatever relationships (especially when you want the non-serious to become serious); DONT LEAVE YOUR KEYS LOCKED UP INSIDE YOUR CAR; dont leave you car on if you happen to leave the keys locked up inside the car; if you fall, check you dont have a heavy object above your head before getting up; if you're good at something become a tutor for that something. I mean, this year has been a BEAST! *meow* LOL


The future will soon become the present, and my present rocks! that's why my past is on the hall of fame. Sooo, I will make the best of the next year, I promise. I don't always keep my promises, so I promise to keep more promises :)


Latest News: As soon as the clock hits the 00:00HRS of Jan 1st,  the year 2011 will declare itself in state of emergency due to the arrival of Laura Alonso, the one who will turn 21 and bring down the house =D
Semi-dark room, mysterious person suddenly turns around, and in between the shadows says *Bond, James Bond voice*: "....Hi there 2011, I've been waiting for you..."
TO BE CONTINUED -->>

Taylor Knott... again

He's to damn cute. He should go to prison for being so damn good at getting me to sigh, like it should be considered a crime after the third strike in the spam of one week only.... Take a look at his latest poem

Should We

Should we swim in these sheets?
Should we float on the blankets
and hold our breath as the pillows
crash on top of us?
Should we tear off these swimsuits
and swim naked under the waterfalls
of our headboard?
Should we kiss under the whitewash
of the down comforter atop us
and marvel at the light that decorates our faces
as it passes through all the places where the
feathers have shifted?

Should we dance on this mattress?
Should we waltz and two-step and tango
on the sheets stretched tight against
the bed below us?
Should we spin and sway and dip
and fall off the bed
into a pile of laughter and applause?
Should we dance under the spotlight
of the moon and the stars
and the audience of planets
that orbit around us
and only us?

Should we paint each other with kisses?
Should we sketch with our fingertips
on the canvases of our bodies?
Should we work off the clay of
our clothing and scrape and mold
and peel back the layers of life
and time and ache covering
the people we were meant to be?
Should we be the artists
and be the canvases and be
the paintbrushes and should
our kisses be the paint?

Should we burn our story into our skin?
Should we be the authors and the poets
the writers and the dreamers
that give shape to the floating fragments
of all we have yet to do?
Should we give a voice to the silence
lingering between your skin
and mine?
Should we close that space now
once and for all and watch the scattering
of the words that make our story
when our chests collide?

Should we?

-Tyler Knott Gregson-

and quote "'kicked on the neck' night"

This is a story about friends, really good friends.
pictures are from lexis' "kicked on the neck" night album. it's prolly set to private so good luck there.

Us: "wake up miss pretty." Pretty:(zzzzzz)

Tony: "No? Okay."

Us:"We're gonna leave you here." Pretty:(zzzzz)

Tony:"Seriously, i'm putting on my shoes." Pretty:(zzzz)

Us:"FOOD." Pretty:"What, what, I'm awake. Let's go."

Happy Ending!

i think Saul deserves a little spot right here for being such a good listener :)

"A friend is one that knows you as you are, understands where you have been, accepts what you have become, and still, gently allows you to grow.” - W. Shakespeare 

Exhausting my Luck

I'm a true believer that you can have a limited amount of good chances per duration of a lifetime. AND THAT MAKES ME SCARED O_o simply because I've been on a good luck roll since Monday.

First I made it all the way to a job interview, didn't get the job but I'm not feelin' it.

I got PBL signed up with the American Airlines Arena which was a big hit considering that not only we got the contract but I managed to retrieve out Tax ID No. which we've been struggling to get since like Forever.

I reserved the Denny's spot for our CarWash (the panned date wasn't taken), and the lady offered me more fundraising activities like if it was my birthday.  =D 

I got 6 spots for my members to do AAA Orientation at FIU when it seemed impossible to get people to commit to the games due to scheduling conflicts.

I decided to get a second minor in Economics and my graduation date was extended by one semester ONLY!

I have three 4 people (Thanks Paula) signed up for my Fundrasing Committee

I don't have mid-terms until next week

and... IM ALIVE!

Life is looking too good, I might found myself in a hole with no food or water soon... just sayin'

Mix to Destruction

Sometimes I consider myself smart but some other times, I must admit I'm BRILLIANT. So take that yesterday I made this mix cd with most of my fav songs, which seemed like a brilliant idea but ended up being nothing more than a smart moment.

What can I say, I listened to the mix on my way to school this morning but I really like it, so when I parked I stayed a little bit longer just to finish listening to Closer by Joshua Radin... brilliant? not so much, more like somewhat smart. wanna know why? just read his lyrics and if that's not enough put some music to it:

the clouds in your eyes

down your face they pour

won't you be the new one burn to shine

 i take the blue ones every time

walk me down your broken line

all you have to do is cry

and the moment he says all you have to do is cry I start crying...picture this:
8:15 in the morning, me parked on the 5th floor of the gold garage with the sun hitting my face and a beautiful sky sight in front of me, and this guy with a voice sweeter than honey, talking to me, and the only thing that i can do is cry, WTF! 
whatever, next time i make myself a mix i'll remember why reggaeton is so awesome.

Tyler Knott's My Summer Psalm

I LOVE Tylor Gregson, and many know that! But they might not know (until now) that I got really happylast month when he started following my Tumblr account. He's a master in the art of love; and when I read his last poem I felt as if I was breathing summer. I'm not selfish in most situations, especially not in those involving love, so here, a piece of the "Most Interesting Romantic Man in the World".

My Summer Psalm by Tylor Knott Gregson

This is my psalm to the Summer;
to the warm winds that dance in the long grass
and moves it like stormy seas.  To the ebb of
night’s chill and the whitewash paint the moon throws
on the skin of the earth.  To the fuzzy

flesh of the peach and the first sour splash of
plum on your perfect lips.  The daylight that lingers
and wraps around your hair like a halo before dipping
below the dry mountains in the distance.  The heat burns us

now and stains red the parts you leave for the sun to
kiss.  The red to brown and the emergence of freckles
on faces and a lightness to your hair.  To my hands inklessly
drawing on the naked arch of your back.  To the promises.  The
promises of surviving the hottest season.

This is my Summer psalm and this is my serenade to
you.  We’ll sit on porches in chairs that rock and we’ll watch
the lightning as it flirts with me again.  To the sound of ice cubes
clinking sweaty glasses and the slice of lemon
floating inside it.  The way you look when you smile at

me as I walk away.  To the sound of trains and church bells
echoing through the clear night air.  This is my psalm to
the smell of creek beds and wet towels, the sound of
laughter later into the nights as the light keeps the kids
awake.  The stars move above us slower

now and the meteors come to remind us that we too,
are floating in blackness.  The trail of light they leave
will never leave us.  The crickets sing and we don’t need to
understand their lyrics.  This is my serenade to the heat that
beat the frost but will fall again to the cool Autumn air

knocking on its doorstep.  To the final brave salutation of the leaves
and their shining in the sunlight.  To your skin peeking out of
clothes hidden in closets for too long.  This is to how rainbows follow
us and make us forget the rain that fell before them. To the panting

dogs and ladybugs crawling on garden leaves.  This is to how the
Earth wakes up and plays along.  To the grasshoppers parting
like Biblical seas when you walk through their homes.  This is to the
promise of love, through heat or freeze, green grass or brown and no matter
the color of the clouds in our sky.

This is my Summer psalm, this is my serenade to you.

Sep. 1st, 2010